Some notes on the use of written conventions

In the olden days, before the Internet came along, Dom/mes and subs did most of their communication using the spoken word – in person or by telephone. There would be some writing of letters, but not a lot. Nowadays, D/s communication can be by e-mail, chat rooms, instant and personal messaging and so on. When one speaks to or meets someone else in person, one can tell from the tone of their voice or what they are wearing what type of person they are. For example, if someone is at a munch, wearing a collar, it is likely that they are owned.

Even if there is not such an obvious sign, one can also tell fairly easily whether someone was Dominant or submissive by their demeanour. However, these clues disappear when one is using writing as the only form of communication. Therefore, alongside the rise of these forms of Internet communication, there has risen a series of conventions that help those taking part by providing the clues that are missing.

These conventions have been developed to send signals to the reader, whereby a name and the way it is written will often indicate key information, as will the way a person writes. For someone unfamiliar with these written clues, they can seem confusing, and to add to the confusion, different people adopt the conventions in slightly different ways.

However, here is a starter.

 

Indications of Dominance and Submission

The use of upper and lower case initial letters to indicate whether the person is a Dominant or a submissive has come about through the use of the Internet and written communication. Often, submissives will use a lower case initial letter, and Dominants an upper case initial letter. When this convention is in use, one need not ask whether someone called 'sally' is a sub or a Domme - the lower case initial letter tells you that sally is submissive However, this is by no means infallible - it could be that sally is simply too lazy to bother with the shift key on her computer, or it could be a typo! Similarly, the fact that Jane writes her name with an upper case letter could indicate that she is Dominant, or that she prefers to write in correct English.

Switches - those who work both ways - sometimes indicate this by repeating the initial letter, thus you can be pretty sure that Ssheila is a switch (or has a stutter on her keyboard). Or they will signal the "mode" they are in through their use. Naver, for example, refers to herself as "naver", "i" and "me" while submitting, and "Naver", "I", and "Me" when Dominating (and woe betide one of Her submissives if they get it wrong!)

All this can get very complicated, with some people opting to give an upper case initial to any reference to a Dominant - for example, you may see "I own My slave" being written, and this can even be take a stage further with people trying to do both (e.g. Oour relationship, indicating that the relationship is made up of a Dom and a sub). Reay's view is that correct English is more important than trying to reduce ambiguity, and that over complex spellings and indications can lead to confusion, rather than additional clarity! But each to their own. Naver likes to use a lower case initial letter for her name when being submissive - it maintains her mindset, and when she writes to Reay, she will use upper case initials for words such as "You". She uses "Naver" when Dominating. This is her choice. However, we both insist of correct grammar beyond that (which also adds to the concentration that needs to be applied). So, while she refers to herself as "i"and "naver", if that word comes at the beginning of a sentence, it should be capitalised.

It is good manners to adopt whatever convention someone wants in your communication with them, so if someone uses lower case in their name, do so when you type their name. But only use lower case in your name if you wish.

 

The use of the third person and the passive voice (not just on-line, but can be used in speech too).

Some subs will prefer not to refer to themselves in the first person (i.e. “I”, “my”) and instead will use the third person, often dropping into the use of the passive voice too. An example of the third person usage is that a slave may prefer not to say “I went to the bar” and instead will say “This slave went to the bar”.

The passive voice use is more subtle, but if used correctly it is an equally powerful indication of submission. It is a sentence construction where the submissive is never the subject of the sentence, but becomes the object instead. For example, a slave may prefer not to say, “I serve my Master” (where the sub is the subject of the sentence and the Master is the object) and instead say, “Master is served by me” (where the Master is the subject of the sentence and the sub is the object). Putting all this can get wordy, but is a very impressive indication for grammatically-aware Masters, not least because it requires quite a lot of thinking and more typing to complete.

Here is an example:

Turning a sentence of 17 words into one of 32 is a very striking display of submission, but takes some practice for it to become second nature. We have seen some on-line subs who can write this way fluently and quickly, and it IS impressive.

 

Accuracy

If you are a sub and want to impress, then brush up on your spelling and grammar. The notes above depend on careful writing, and knowledge of and consistent application of the rules of English grammar. These rules are very important since without them you simply cannot express yourself in a way that properly conveys what you mean and pleases the reader. Colloquialisms (especially, remembering that the Internet crosses international boundaries, those that are specific to one country or culture) and profanities (which are never really acceptable in polite company) need to be avoided if possible, except to make a deliberate point. We make a distinction between using the correct word for something, which might be considered a swearword notwithstanding.

To us, if a sub doesn't take us or herself seriously enough to proof read her writing, how can we take her seriously, and – maybe more importantly - how can she take herself seriously? We believe that the same is true for Dom/mes, and we know of lots of subs who won’t communicate with a Dom/me who can’t write reasonably well since, again, if they can’t take their chosen means of communication seriously, why should they take anything else seriously?

 

Indications of Ownership:

Often, someone's name will be followed by the owner or slave in brackets. Thus naver[R] indicates that naver is owned, and that the owner is someone whose name begins with R. Similarly, Reay[n] indicates that Reay owns someone whose name begins with n. This goes on if Naver's case, since she can also be Naver[r] if she happened to own a slave called nancy! Bt one can tell a lot by reading these indications.

An added complexity has arisen, since some wish to indicate whether the relationship is on-line or real-time, and this is indicated by the type of brackets used. There is not absolute agreement on this, but generally speaking a relationship that is on-line is indicated by curly brackets - {}, while a real-time relationship will be indicated on-line by square brackets - []. Some stick to this convention all the time – so all references to a person include the ownership part too – it is part of their name. Others use it at the beginning of a conversation to let the person with whom they are speaking know, and then drop it.

Be careful with the use of my Master. To some, this is offensive, since it implies that the Master is owned by the writer who is their slave, which of course is not the case. Therefore, you will often see slaves refer to the person who owns them simply as Master. This seems like something of a grammatical challenge, but has logic. Similarly, some Masters will take offence at phrases such as “take care” or “have a good time”, since they imply an order being given. In these circumstances, slaves will say things like “I hope that you have a good time”. To some, it matters a lot.

 

Finally

In short, watch the way people communicate and try to read as much as you can into it, then check. No one objects to you asking for clarification, so long as you do so politely – and that works both ways. Thus “May I ask if you are submissive, and if so, are you owned?” is perfectly acceptable. By the way, in this instance if the answer to the second question comes back as “Yes”, then it is wise to ask whether the sub has permission to speak with you – it could save a snotty exchange with an annoyed Master later. If you are a Dom and want a particular form of writing from a sub you are working with, ask for it but be prepared to offer tuition. Similarly, if you are a sub and want to use these written indications, then do so.